a hundred buck deal.

“What’s the use of that laundry shop if there’s me?”

She’s so busy that she can’t do her personal laundry unless I’ll have the initiative to take all the laundry myself. She asked me to  take her clothes in the laundry shop. She had a second look and said, “Why not you do my laundry and I’ll pay you a hundred bucks?” With no second thought and I closed it with a deal.
She, my older sister, is now working for 2 years a CPA and I having my 5th year of college as a retard sophomore. Being a student that is jobless and a dumbass who merely depends on my parents, my sister had more wealth than me. As long as she had breads to bait my labor, I am her slave! LOL!

Among the three of us children in the family, I am favored with lots of house chores and responsibilities by my dad. Do the laundry, wash the dishes, sort those clothes, clean our backyard, buy these outside, etc.

(Picture was taken in our kitchen where mugs are placed. In my deep sentiment while I was washing the dishes.)

I don’t mind doing things for my sister since I’m getting something in return that is worth my efforts. But dad had  LOTS of errands for me that I usually thought not worth doing. Why is it always me? Am I your only child? Is it just me who can do those things?  I always find it unfair. Though I never say no to my dad and I’m a hundred percent sure he heard nothing from me. Just a not so pleasant facial expression I admit doing.  It’s not that I am expecting somethign in return, but a little acknowledgement is a big thing.

But then I’ve realised, it’s more beyond words or expression my dad had done for me and for the two ugly girls I had for siblings. How could I think of such thoughts when he worked hard for us to send to college? I would not have this bulky stomach flab if dad didn’t provide us food to eat. Maybe I had brains so small that I couldn’t see things my dad does for us.

If I would die and given a chance to be reincarnated and live again, I would ask God to reincarnate my father as well and also my sisters and live another life just as what we used to be.

ninety percent are self-inflicted.

Sakka: Alright old woman, it’s my turn for you to read my future.

Fortuneteller: You’ll have countless sufferings and misfortunes.

Sakka: Oh yeah? How would you know, you haven’t seen my palms yet!

Fortuneteller: I don’t have to look at your dirty palms. The way I looked at you is enough. You’ll be mostly into troubles and pain, ninety percent of it will be self-inflicted.

Sakka: I told you guys it was a mistake being here with this old woman.

I got this conversation in an animated series I’ve watched before. Well, it’s just a thought that came into me when I was thinking and thinking about this certain thing boggling me.

She sent a group message that is a quote. Really, there’s nothing special about it. I replied with her name, an exclamation point, and a smiley trying to catch her attention and maybe start a conversation. She replied “hi” with my full name (She enjoys calling me that way since my first name which I didn’t use sounds cheesy) next to it and a smiley.”how are you?” I asked. “I’m good! I’m on my way home from a date. My boyfriend and I dated.” She replied. “Oh ok. I’m sorry. Arrive home safely. Take care.” I replied for the last time. “Ok. Thank you [my first name] hahaha!“

Everything should be fine but what I feel is not. Why on earth am I jealous with her boyfriend? I mean, I’m not in the position to do so and it’s so funny that someone got jealous of a certain subject that is in the first place, not his. Even if i could do something about it, circumstances won’t let me because the fact is, I am but a friend and not a boyfriend.

The reality is no one is responsible of my hurt. It’s not my friend or the guy, it is me. The pain is self-inflicted and is fanned to flame by wrong interpretations of kind friendship she’s giving me. (I admit, I’m putting much of different meanings into it LOL) I knew from the start that she had a boyfriend. That’s why I’ve marked a line of where I should place my foot on and where I should not. But when I’ve seen the two sides that the line divides, a part of me wants to jump on to the other side but my whole self established a limit and would stick to it.

The truth is, I entertained all this emotional chaos in me. I know things from the start and yet, I still want a tip-toe dip of how cold the river will be. We almost had a habit of texting each other every night and chat about things. We also had silly names to call each other, we shared stories and personal matters, and almost everything that bind us together. The whole thing is normal in a friendship but I love giving it other definitions and let my ears clap about it.

I know I am a good friend for her. I know she thought of me as a nice person and a funny guy. I know she value me because I’m not an ordinary friend she had. She cares or me, she thinks of me, she texts me, and ask if I’m doing good, because.. I am her FRIEND. Don’t you think it’s nice to have a friend that you like and give other meanings to things she does for you? LOL!! kidding!

Actually, I’ve broke up with my girlfriend for weeks now. (Not because of her or anyone else) I’ve realized, I need first to be matured enough before I take a 75 unit romantic-relationship-responsibility to add to my academic subjects at school so I can manage it effectively without copromising others. So the whole thing about my friend that I am liking was just an illusion. Illusive of things that even if I had the chance to have, I still won’t and I’ve made a promise to myself to prioritize things first to my family, school, church, and to God, and least would be my love-life.

It is self-inflicted and It’s me that can help myself to get through this. But I am buried in a sand that felt good to me so I think I’ll gonna stay here for a while enjoying the agony. Besides there’s no one now to seriously got jealous for. Hey! I’ll be missing heartaches and all that lovey-love-love stuffs and emoticuty-chubi feelings a boyfriend-girlfriend had so let me pass on this one. LOL

Self-inflicted it may be, but pain in this level are manageable and easy get over with. It can be painful but I found ways on how I could enjoy it and turn it into something myself could enjoy heartbreak music and relate to it somehow. LOL!!

16 views today? where’d that came from?

That late afternoon nap (that I don’t usually do) had left me more brain boosters to stay awake till now. I got this 16 page views that I dun usually get in a regular basis. Oh well, thank God I still got page views rather than nothing.

Aside from those creepy snail-without-a-shell creatures that lurked our drainage pipes climbing up our sink, (this house had lots of creepy creature history) nothing new happened. I woke up early this day to prepare myself going to church for some assignments that I am part of.  The day’s mood was gloomy with a cool rain breeze that suggests an extension for my sleeping habit. Moments passed and the next thing I knew, It’s raining hard.

I went to the sink to gargle and not a single drop came out. For some reasons, we dun have anything to use to even wash up a bit. “Jimbo, buksan mu nga yung tubig (switch) sa labas para magkatubig.” Said my sister. “Anung tubig? (switch), hindi pinapatay yan. Nakabukas lagi yan.) I replied. From that certain realizations, we’re doomed.

I was grinning at her as if saying, “how are you going to take a bath now my dear stinking sister.” For me it doesn’t  really matter.  She poured  some drinking water to at least wash her face and said that will do for her. Personally, I dun mind leaving our house stinking or having a morning look for others to see. In fact I love them seeing me that way. The thing is I want to feel how cold will it be. I wanted a cool after bath feeling. (and some say, rain water softens hair) XP

I bathe in the rain with a container placed in a mini water-falls our roof gutter produce out of rain water. Weew! I was freezing but loved the feeling. It all went good for me and entered our house after to fix things up.

“San ka kumuha ng tubig?” My sister asked curiously. “Ah.. Naligo ka sa ulan noh?”

“Oo, Ang sarap maligo. Lalu na kapag nalalasahan mu yung tae ng pusa sa tubig na galing sa bubong naten.” confirming her suspicion.

“Yak! Babuy mo!”

Me, grinning!

Actually, I am aware of those thingy I could have when I decide to took bath outside. It’s been raining for days and I thought of those things are washed off during the early rain days. And besides, the water was all clear and if I would die from dehydration, I’ll drink it with no hesitation. Uhmm.. I think if someone dared me to do so, I’d still do it! LOL!!

And to irritate her more, I brushed my teeth with the same water and said, “Ate, tignan mo ko, ipapang-toothbrush ku yung tubig galing sa alulod na may mga nakatambak na tae ng pusa!”

“Babuy!”

repost: get one whole shit.

posted at jimbubog.blogspot.com 7/14/08

A gossip of criticism from professors that is about me has reached my awareness. And with that, It gives me the urge to write things up. After all, it’s been a month since I last blog. Really, as much as I wanted to blog my thoughts, every time I face my PC, laziness always hits me real hard. So I always end up with nothing. But after I heard a gossip about me from a classmate who refused to tell whoever professor it was (but doesn’t really matter whoever it is. I just want to know), I rush on things on how will I blog it given the fact that I am in school and class is ongoing. I got a pen, and draw one yellow paper and you probably know what comes next, I did the orthodox style of blogging which means I literally am writing my thoughts in a yellow paper. Surprisingly, I am starting to like it this way. (It is my NSTP class while I am writing this, and I should pretend that I copy notes and not blogging XD)

A while ago as I chat with a bully classmate/seatmate, he threw some questions regarding some of my previous doings and I think he’s just curious about some things about me. I comply with his questions by sharing something that after I’ve studied two and a half years of college in an activist lurking university at manila, here I am, a demoted freshman in a catholic college as where we are (which I think is another explanation or another blog post). Another classmate happened to listen in our conversation. He commented, “Ah kaya pala.” (His curiosity about “How could you simply answer academical questions without us seeing you study or reviewing?” finally ends.) Then said, “Pero alam mo Lester (my name in my birth certificate), may nagsabi nga na isang prof, matalino ka daw kaya lang ano…”

Whatever “ano” it is, I did get the point and it surely means negative.

At one point, I am bothered. I know I am used hearing such words and even worse, maybe it’s just that it had been a long time since I’ve heard such words again. In the previous college I’m into, I learned not to fear professors, not to be afraid to commit mistakes and errors, don’t mind failing. Though I fail some subjects, I passed most of them and surely have learned a lot.

“Matalino kaya lang ano..”

At present, I go to class late but I don’t intend to. I seldom submit assignments (I laze on it), and would just secretly walk out of the classroom if not in the mood. But also, in class, you’ll see me reciting and outnumbering others by words being recited and thoughts being shared. I stand out in class while everyone else seems lifeless. I get higher grades than any of them. My essays and narrations are very much applauded (while it was just a piece of crap for me). With all of these I think is where the criticism rooted.

I’m an evil trapped in an angels figure nor an angel pretending to be evil or whatever thing it is. I’ve got pair of wings and a halo but in me hides a pair of horns and an ugly tail. Always misconceived. I can be intelligent but I prefer not to be one. I apologize for disappointing people but I live a life that is me. I won’t follow that SVO (Subject Verb Eklaver) format they thought us when putting titles in my journals (I am the boss in my own blog LOL). Even the most non-sense title I’ll insist! As long as I am happy with it.

get your own life LOL!

again again and again.

May 25, 2009 Posted it late for some lame reasons.

Ok ok. Another blogging comeback after months and I’m sick and tired of comeback rants. Lots of stuff pild my head up and I guess a little blogging could help.

I dunno how to put it in an organize manner but I came up doing doing bullets.

• I realized I am now 20 years of existence. Well, it’s not my birthday or something but it is now that I really absorbed the fact that I am now 20. If I’ll follow and track back my supposed years of staying in college, I should be finish and graduated but I’m not. I guess I just grew up late to realize how important my studies were. Though I do good at present, somehow I still felt remorse regarding my early years of time and efforts wasted. A while ago I saw a former classmate. She’s now working on a laboratory that is associated with a known milk product. GAH! How I wish were on the same boat right now. But then, I am happy for her.

 

• I took up summer picnic class. Oh well, 9 units goes like maple leaf flown away by autumn breeze. As I said it was like picnic. I knew it would be since it is summer class and at the beginning I thought of it as a shortcut. And all happened as planned. I have to graduate as soon as possible!

 

•  I plan to get a part-time job this June. I was feeling that I’ll have an evening schedule of class this semester (if not, then I’ll request for an evening one LOL!) so part-time jobs could be possible. The thing is I wanted to be more productive and independent. It’s not like a new year’s resolution or something like that but.. Uhmm… Ok! to be honest, the reason for this is to compensate for this feeling that a moron should now be working and not depending his ass out of his parents! XD

 

• I am the PRO of our church’s national youth organization and I am wondering if my lazy butt deserves the seat. Personally, I aim to be the best PRO this organization ever had but honestly, I dun think I’m making difference. I wanted to be used by God, to serve more, to do my best, and more, more, more! I just wish I could.

 

• YOUTHEO summer camp. We organized a sumer camp and after so many problems and hindrances we had encountered, it all went well. (I could say) For me it was a great one but I myself knowing IF ONLY we do this or that, then it could be much much more effective. All praises to our God who worked in the said event. It’s really Him and not us who made things happen. I saw it myself (though not visually) and I know its Him who worked on us. It made me excited that I wanted to tell everyone about it and it gave me the urge to write something about it here.

 

• A friend got pregnant. We were startled to heard what happened to our friend. She, our friend, the least we expect for her to happen? It’s really something that drops your head down after being heard it. Well, we know her. No fingers should be raised to point out whose right or wrong. What they need is understanding and friends to lean on. My prayers are with them.

 

• I had a crush on this girl. GAAH I hate myself for being like this. They say it is man’s nature to be polygamous or something equivalent. But I think it’s just me who’s different. I had a girlfriend and I love her. But why am I feeling this way! GAAAH!! I don;t think I am normal when it comes to this kind of matter. But after doing some prayers and meditations, readings, I’ve realized it’s not a romantic relationship that I should concentrate myself to. I wanted to break loose and get myself back again. But with where I am right now, I dunno how to start. I dun want to hurt feelings again. No! not at this time.          *breath out* I’m just so bad.

 

• I want my online-living back! Our desktop is not working and I’ve used up all the knowledge about troubleshooting I had but I always end up frustrated. Dad had his laptop pero ang damot! My sister also had hers but she’s not around so I can’t borrow her laptop. GAAAH!!

 

The draft of this blog is written on my notebook. I dun have any computer to type it, how much more an internet to get this uploaded! How pathetic I am.

 

Tatay: Aalis ako pupunta kami ng Baguio mamayang 1am alis namin. Mag-ingat ka dito sa bahay mag-isa ha? Maglinis ka ng bahay, lock mo pinto pag aalis ka, bayaran mo yung telepono, eto pera panggastos mo hanggang biyernes. Biyernes na uwi ko. blah blah blah!

Jimboy: Opo.

Tatay: Mukang madami kang sinusulat ah. Galingan mo pag-aaral mo lalo.

Jimboy: Toinks!?

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head-ther graham :P

If my memory still accurate, I am now blogging for 9 months. On and off I could say.And yup! My first time to make a blog header and it took me I think an hour to make it looked like as what I’ve wanted it to be.

Most of them, or almost all of them are wacky. The truth is I dun take too much pictures. I don’t even have my multiply account or other photo uploading sites because I dun have any photos stored on my folder. I dunno, I guess I’m not good at faking smiles so I’d rather not let it get  captured. I’m thankful for those doc and pub peepz who always take pictures of us when we’re in this crazy dress ups. (Ayie and jah! Thanks! )

I love playing dress ups. I once became hellboy, I did megatron, I played mime actor, frodo of the LOTR though I didn’t look like frodo, mo-hawk, and a lot more. All of this was played at our church fellowships to create a different mood for the attendees (mascots! LOL). I hope you liked my header.

“Some people wear mask for them to look silly, but there are also people who wear mask because it is the only way for them to look happy.”

helicopter ride

When I was two of age, I dreamed of having a helicopter toy. I had a friend back then and attended his birthday party and got jealous of a helicopter toy he received as a gift. So I told my mom and dad to buy me one. Back then, my mom was scheduled to leave for abroad. Carrying a promise of a helicopter toy, I waited. Years had passed and still wanting that flying thingy on my grasps. One day, there goes a package from mom. Still no flying toy inside it.

(not the actual toy. A more complicated one is what I mean. I only got this picture on google XD)

I was disappointed. Years of waiting and promise kept. Every phone call I was reminding them of that. I patiently not envy others for I know I’ll have mine SOON. I abandoned that dream and tried to grow up having the thought of not playing any toys because grown-ups never did play toys. But my heart quietly opposes the idea.

Another package was sent and this time, a some kind of a box had my name on it “to Jimboy.” I opened it and found an RC car. The truth is I was excited opening it and am expecting a helicopter toy. And the moment I twist and turn it, snap, switched on, push the button and watched it moving, I can’t wait putting it on a test on a wider place. I am happy with my new toy and forgot about the helicopter I’ve always wanted.

It’s just now that I’ve realized my “helicopter nostalgia.” I dreamed of something, waited and hoped for it, and in the end didn’t get what I’ve wanted. But certain circumstances made me realize that I have something that is better than what I’ve desired. If mom would rush to buy me a helicopter, I’m pretty sure it isn’t gonna be that good enough.

What ever would it be, we just have to be patient and put our trust to Him. Who at first promised us:

“For I know the plans I have for you, said the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you haope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Chupa-chups.

I dun want it to be obvious, neither people seeing me that way but the truth is, I had a weak heart. I portray myself a man who knows no misery. Always fun and laughing, cracks jokes, poked fun at someone, laughs at life. I wanted it that way and I wanted people around me to be happy. I dunno but I enjoy that. But I guess, chupachups is what I am made of. Hard outside but you can chew me inside.

Weak when it comes to burdened individuals. Poor people who deserves a better life, an elementary student who stopped schooling because of financial problems, children as young as three venturing the jeopardies of life to gain a little money to buy medicine for his sick mother. I remember I even cried myself to sleep when I’ve watched a documentary of a six year old boy not getting paid carrying down a double-his-size lumber of a mountain.

Oh a thing of a past we could say. It is always there. It is normal. Part of the life we’re living. But what I say is, It is reality. It is happening right now, now that I am sitting in the comfort of my home. Well, nothing would change if I sit uncomfortably. It’s just that thought. A simple thought.

One night, a night that made me cautious of this thought I had, I was on my way home from a friend’s place. It is a market place. A place of business and transactions, jeepney terminals, fruit stands, pirated dvds, clothes, groceries, etc. As I walk on a familiar sidewalk, there was a girl. She approached me with something like,

“Excuse me kuya. Baka po puwede humingi ng kahit pang-dagdag lang po. Nagkulang po kasi pamasahe namin pauwi.”

I was walking straight thinking of something else without even an eye contact displaying my hands open saying NO to every word she had said. She quickly stopped and I, gaining distance away from her and as I get farther, it is the only time her words sink in me. “Shoot! What did I do? I just let myself passed through her. She’s in need and I did nothing!” I felt ashamed of myself that time.

I remember Mother Theresa once being interviewed in some news article, what made you help those people you don’t even know? “Because I see Jesus in everyone who’s in need.” –Mother Theresa. And that slapped me bigtime. The girl was I think 5’3, casually dressed with her bag in her shoulders making her an urban-innocent looking girl. I was far distant from her and I stopped. If only I could turn back time and put me in the same situation again. An idea came into me.

I went back without her noticing me and I tried to walk the same place where she approached me. But before that situation I was waiting to happen, a woman with a boy approached me with that same story, and said to myself, “DAMN! I knew it!” It was an orchestrated act of fooling people for money and I almost fall from it. There were many of them playing the same old trick juicing up every single money they can get from people who doesn’t know their doings.

It made me think I was that stupid to almost fall for that one. I was cursing myself for not helping that girl and later learned that they were just faking. I’ve learnt my lesson. But my heart would still be the same. I’ll be just careful enough this time.

How to make a Stevie Wonder?

I browse through different blogs from friends and there I found this video. I’ve watched it myself on tv last sunday at SOP but only now that I found it on youtube (actually from ate dada). You’ll enjoy this one so please watch.

Yup! That’s my friend Allan Gonzales. You know, friends! Buddies! Brothers! Sisters! (kidding) Toothbrush buddies, back-scrubbing partner (we even took bath together completely naked and innocent LOL!). As if he could see mine!

Well not actually an exaggeration but it’s a different feeling witnessing your friend performing on a national television with a well-known music artist such as kyla. As I’ve watched it a while ago, goosebumps was still on me and I can’t help but to feel proud for him. Before, we were just playing music (mostly hillsongs) for our church (until now) with our band and leading the worships. Well, God is so good and look who’s on the screenie singing with the gorgeous kyla. God has taken him into a new heist showing how great God works on him.

Stevie Wonder really do exist and I can see another him through Allan. Uhmm. No! Even better I think. (don’t flood my comment box Stevie Wonder enthusiasts. We’re on the same side) Stevie Wonder? Yah, I know you got my point. Stevie and Allan share the same thing. If eye is the window of the soul, then just knock at the doors because they don’t have any. Well enough of this enthusiasm. I’ve already wrote it down. More opportunities for you my friend and may God always bless you and be with you.

P.S.

When kyla said “Thank you Allan” at the end of the song, if I were on your shoes, I would say “I love you too!” because I wanted to say that to kyla for a long time LOL! And one thing, di ku napansin sa tv ung sablay, peru nakita ku nung pinanuud ku kanina. wahahaha ayos! carry parin! keep it up bro! I hope arby or ralph could read this post for you IF they could find this place.