The flame is just so beautiful that I wanted to get close to it as much as my thinly spreaded wings can endure. I would stay here as long as it’s here and as long as I can fly. My mom said I could get burns and I could die and I know that. I guess it’s alluring radiance turned every logical reasoning of mine go blind. I might be lost but it’s beautiful and lovely. I would live my life hoping someday I could touch you. But if I will die, at least for a moment my dream will come true.
If I only knew witchcraft, I’ll formulate an ink that will make a person go crazy over me. I’ll tattoo it on your wrist so it can penetrate your bloodstream faster. You’ll forget your friends and my presence will pleasure you. You’ll never sleep becuase you’ll think that the time sleeping is a wasted opportunity getting me. You’ll be on extreme euphoria and I am your only heroine. You’ll forget living and your instincts will scream my name. You’ll be a zombie and I will be an appetizing human meat!
Oh well, my inner demon shared his thoughts just a while ago. I told him, “You stupid bitch, grow up! Witches are not that popular these days. Try to come up with some cool alchemist and involve a philosopher’s stone on it”
On the photo is me and beside me sits a lady. (Since this post is about her, I’ll keep her anonymous)
No, we’re not applying medicated plasters or pain patches nor discussing how pale her skin was compared to my darker tone. I’ve been into tattoos and I think it deserves a new post. (maybe some other time) I did her a tattoo on her wrist. What I thought would be a potential client to spread my advocacies and an easy-money turns out to be a heartbreak. She’s cool, smart, and funny. We had our own personal connection (i could personally say) after having a little conversation. She’s not an ordinary candy you’ll get out of halloween trick or treat but a home-made pastry labored by a mother’s love. She’s one of a kind.
She’s just cool! I really enjoyed her company. Our usual talks and sharing of thought are like puzzle pieces that fits perfectly. Things went the way it should be until I just realized she’s over me. She became a habit that is hard to take out off my system and worse, I fell for her.
The thing is, I am not really into something like this. After the past experiences with relationships I’ve had, I learned it much better this way. Single, not committed, flirting with boundaries, though in the end of the day I feel like a loner but I am everyone’s lover. As what I always tell my friends why I still stay this way,
I am not comfortable being tagged as someone else’s and being with the same person for a long time. It’s just not me.
And the next thing I knew, those words filled my mouth and myslef, swallowing every bits of syllables I’ve been always uttering.
I did try to keep from her what I had. I told myself, “Young man, you are again infatuated. Just eat more burgers and it will pass.” But there’s actually much more reasons to like this woman that a first glance wouldn’t see and that’s the time that I cracked out! I did say the magic word. Words that build barriers. I wasn’t even thinking right and I told her I liked her! And she’s not happy about it…
(im sorry to cut the story. It just ended there. It’s just that I am honestly not sure what will happen next but once I knew, ill find time to do some writings.)
Because a man seeks for love ends up broken and gets nothing. But a man who is passionate and does what he really love is like a flower surrounded by a million butterflies.
I am recently wallowing myself to gluttony. I fill every buffet table and the famous “eat-all-you can” offers around the metro. A father’s day date with my family that night. It’s been a while since the last time we dine together. It was fun! … I was bloated. I ate an Italian. Oh I mean pizzas and pastas. I can’t eat anymore nor ingest anything through my mouth. To ease the heavy feeling I opt for a cup of tea.
There was a small coffee shop in front of the restaurant where we ate… I saw her. She was there. Facing people and smiling. She does the barista (the one who prep beverages) duties and the shopkeeper as well manning the shop.
She, one of my classmates in college not so long ago. She’s an acquaintance but never really got the chance to talk about things before. As far as I can remember back then, she was just simple. I saw her just smiling when everyone laughs their heart out. I can say she’s always consistent. Not flashy but noticeable… She’s pretty.
I approached her. She still does recognize me. If not my name, at least the scar I had on my left eye. I said, “Hi kath!” — She smiled at me, from there we had a connection as if I am saying, “It’s been a while. You’re still so pretty.” I ordered two peppermint tea for my dad and I — “Anything else sir?” … She called me “sir”. I felt a barrier. That moment she’s a waitress and I want a tea. She prepares the drink and from there, I just wish making a tea takes hours to finish. The time I wait for her to finish the tea, is the time we chat about things that doesn’t relate thesis, theology subject, Philippine history, food and beverages, food preparations, assignments, and school requirements. (we study hotel and restaurant management back then) I got my tea and left. The tea was great. It’s sweet and the warm paper holder is a bit loose for the cup.
The thing is, I really am easy to please. In food, I always have a hard time identifying what’s good or not. If I am hungry and you served me something, no matter how bland it taste like, as long as it fills me, I’ll be glad and satisfied. A movie shot on outdoors with sunlight and trees could already be considered a good movie for me but when a girl hit me, even if I knew it won’t last long, I can assure it’s beyond the usual infatuation. That’s what SHE was. Taking my first no-brainer step towards her, I bought pizza… for her and the other lady whom she worked with. (Yeah, I always try to win the hearts of the people around her first. Believe me. It’s winning half the battle and it never fails!) The lady told me she left just five minutes when I came.
There’s no difference taking drugs and losing self to a woman. It’s addicting and you’ll never get enough. It’s a hormonal thing. Feeding my addiction, I resort to technology for information. I might be quite unskilled but looking for her took more time than putting a crying baby to sleep. Then I got into this…
She’s into someone and it’s the only 11-hours of my life that gave me an agonizing breath of remorse. Well, at the brighter side, It kicked me out of my insanity and it saved her from heartbreaks that she’ll endure if things turn out the crazy way. I might find my way in and steal the girl from his arms but if a woman cheats her way out of a commitment for someone, then how could you guarantee the same way won’t happen to that new guy? A woman who cheated himself in could also cheat himself out.
Ah well… I think this will be enough. This is too much for entertaining an emotion. I really am not that into commitment but I love making forest fires out of little matchsticks. I still believe in “love” and relationships but I think it’s not for me. I can’t think of myself being labeled as someone’s and be jailed inside a box called “commitment”. Yep I can say those things for now but only God knows. 
Oh! I noticed I can blog about woman a lot. LOL I just remembered a quote I heard from a movie I can’t recall where.
“The best thing to overcome a woman is to turn her into a literature.”
…because it’ll take much more faith not to believe than believing His existence.
Here’s my theory;
“I have completely opened up and just easily gave what you should be excited about. And now that you’re all fed up, you realized, I am not that that good enough and you’re now tired of me.”
Well, that’s just how I analyze what’s going on right now. I just hope you really are happy when we’re together because that’s how I see it. I hope you’re just really busy when I am waiting for an unreplied SMS. I really hope you’re still entertained with things I do and things I say because as time passed by, I can feel that my hopes little by little make me look stupid.
I remember you saying, “Let’s not expect too much so there will less hurt if something didn’t went well”. Yes I live with that and tooth fairy will agree and will told us to lower our expectations. All I have is hope, and those words that are synonymous. I love you (with head facing the floor, afraid to hear an answer) and I still love you and it will be hard to change. I prayed and asked for it the moment I decide and choose to love you.
That’s what I should get for taking my chances. It’s not always about winning and there’s always two faces a coin has. I HOPE my intuition was wrong because I plan to keep this until everything falls into place. I am stupid and half-wishing you’ll find this page. I love you!
My Love Letter,
I am this close on getting the record of not having any sickness for a year. I just failed myself the other day and now still suffering. Just not that sure if this is what they call flu, all I know is this thing slows me down and lessens the quality of productivity I make. This week’s competition in the office where the team that will have the lesser tardiness and absences gets an incentive from the company so if I still want to have cheerful and friendly workmates, I better not be absent. Anyway, I personally think it is much heroic to faint while doing my job than to whine and make excuses.
For the nth time, I was contemplating on quitting school AGAIN. I am starting to think that schooling wasn’t really for me. I’m not good at it. I am starting to ran out of patience and I am thinking that I am too old for it. My only reason for me to get a degree is to have a credibility to speak and talk to people. I realized I dun have any of it in the first place but still manage to get things I want and do things I wanted to. For now, I still had about maybe a couple of months to survive and do my best to stay in school.
And oh, I just got involved in a multi-level-marketing aside my call center job. So far it worked fine. Got my first two checks that grossed around P3,500.00 excluding tax and on the side was my profits from the products I sold. In my struggle to find what I am really good at, I think sales would be my core gift. Not to brag but I usually get good commissions compared to other workmates for referrals when we are really not trained to convince and make a sale. In the products I get from the MLM company I am into, the only problem I get is people who wants to buy but doesn’t have money to buy. In that case, no sales powers can do anything about it.
I struggle to be rich and wealthy! LOL. If you believe money is the root of all evil, throw it away and live like hell. My God doesn’t want me to be poor. I’ve experienced such poverty and getting out of it would be the only option I have. Kaching!!!
My mind was restless. There’s something that needs to be taken out, or something that needs to be re-ordered. My mind was restless and I’m sorry if I use images in google without any consent.
It’s a quarter passed 11pm. I need to rest for my first day of school by tomorrow. I am thinking of lots of things and they are all scattered in my mind. I need to defrag.
What am I thinking now?
…God help me. Give me peace of mind, give me rest, give me comfort, give me guidance, and lead my directions. Amen.
I know this won’t take long but as long as there’s you that I can talk to each and every night, I’ll get every opportunity there is. *walang maisip idagdag*
*When we blog about someone we consider special, even if the blog’s identity is anonymous, we simply half-wish they would find the page and read the post about them. We try to put the best words, the best thought, the best grammar we can to impress him/her resulting to short post that has no sense at all. XD*
This was supposed to be my birthday post last October 19. Well, no more excuses for not posting on time. After a series of friends having their birthdays, I’ve told myself there should be a record of it.
Her name is Adelaide
Birthdays are commemorations of another year spent living. It makes a person a year less to live, a year less to ride the roller coaster, a year less to say “i love you” to people they value, a year less to eat sweets, a year less to laugh and play, a year less doing things for God and people here on earth. If I were to live 88, right now I’m on my quarter-life crisis. In my case, it made me a year less on achieving what I wanted in life and I am now down to a 3 years deadline to get what’s on my dream board.
As I listen to our bishop’s message last night, “We’re a product of what we are in the past.” What we are now shouldn’t be less than what we are before. Instead of being less, we should be a year wiser, a year stronger to take the next step, a year more to enjoy the friends and the families we had, a year more to serve people, a year more to worship God and receive His blessings. ALL IN!!! *sound of chips being thrown*
The baby was just 20 years younger than me. 
)
Im sorry I was just bias when it comes to pandas. My heart was shattered to pieces when I found out I can’t have one as a pet, that Chinese government would kill me if they found out I’m keeping one. I just love bears and the combination of black and white. Second would be penguins. Not zebras (i know they have that stripes but still, they are not a pet material) XD
P.S. Anyone got a panda costume jacket? Ping me!
Also a Happy Birthday to isay, faye, hannah, puch, given, shirley, sc, jeremy… YOU”RE TOO MANY TO MENTION! si ate dada pa pala ngayon! )
keep on coming..